degrees have dropped & people speak sparely about how it affected them. as a race we have a compulsion to list things. how many drinks were drunk, how long we braved an occasion, where we went next. i wonder about this desire to depict an order, is it simply to remember or rather to confirm our existence in light of others. what are we afraid of, forgetting or being forgotten? i’m not sure which is worse.
people love a holiday, it refreshes them. those that don’t make a show of things still get to return, make an entrance, come back with new stories. it’s an opportunity to experiment & change what wasn’t working. to take stock of self. rattle the cage a little. work makes people wild. it tames them to a point with routine & rhyme, but left too long it starts to reduce the sane ways we unravel things.
to be isolated for getting it wrong feels unfair. there are no rules, just people’s opinions and a want for warmth. to smile at someone is to understand a situation. from false grins to teeth baring photo faces – they all have their time & place. we carry too much information, too much advice. each time we try to move a hundred voices commence combat. falling isn’t failing & the best examples lead.
Through grey trees and dead wires. Lifting light over buildings. The promise of warmth raises eyes with hope like glasses at a wedding. The chance of more, a question answered right. An alternative to night.
Shifting shapes and restless limbs, bustle to position. A sword in my hands and a scarf around my neck. Inching closer, moving forward. Some might say the sky is falling. This time I’m getting it right.
Filed under black & white, definition, dream baby dream, photos, pictures, signals, signs, tape, wire, wires, worn
it’s hard talking about love. people always talk about how they can’t define it, it’s a noble feat to live your life trying to. i want to be well-respected & loved. i wanted to be famous but after the life i’ve lead i’d be happier just to be alive. when i stopped wanting to be famous i overcompensated with everything to try & pretend i didn’t care. all in a vain effort to conceal the reason for my decisions. when i lost people i didn’t live in a way that honoured them. at the time i bandied around the word “lukewarm” – it was a word i used a lot to decipher what i thought was weak. to be “lukewarm” was the worst thing imaginable to me at the time. to have failed. the truth is, i never really got over it. the reality, of what had happened that is. it’s prophetic when you start repeating things to yourself, to be become what you fear. we’re defined by our failures, just hopefully not remembered for them. we’ve done the things we do so many times before. to climb over the wall. to mean it. to take the time it takes. i fear for the few who were smart enough to see it but didn’t stick around long enough to change.