Category Archives: worn
I didn’t notice him at all until the wheels started spinning. Leaning forward from his seat in the corner he asked,
“Do you know the day?”
“Just a minute” I replied, fumbling through my phone.
“No” he mutters, “What day of the week is it?”
“Tuesday” I quietly replied.
I thought I had it bad.
it’s hard talking about love. people always talk about how they can’t define it, it’s a noble feat to live your life trying to. i want to be well-respected & loved. i wanted to be famous but after the life i’ve lead i’d be happier just to be alive. when i stopped wanting to be famous i overcompensated with everything to try & pretend i didn’t care. all in a vain effort to conceal the reason for my decisions. when i lost people i didn’t live in a way that honoured them. at the time i bandied around the word “lukewarm” – it was a word i used a lot to decipher what i thought was weak. to be “lukewarm” was the worst thing imaginable to me at the time. to have failed. the truth is, i never really got over it. the reality, of what had happened that is. it’s prophetic when you start repeating things to yourself, to be become what you fear. we’re defined by our failures, just hopefully not remembered for them. we’ve done the things we do so many times before. to climb over the wall. to mean it. to take the time it takes. i fear for the few who were smart enough to see it but didn’t stick around long enough to change.